9pm the first day of second term, the library was so deserted and quiet. I sat with my legs folded underneath, seven books lying beside me and read. All I could think was “mentally exhausted”.
Finally, Linda Williams, a professor in Development Sociology at Cornell I had contacted earlier, replied me. She wrote: “There are a lot of overlapping between your interest of research and mine. I do hope you will apply to our program.” An overwhelming sense of regret flooded over me. When it finally calmed down, I felt like trembling and weak. It was almost like standing alone in a very high peak with no one to lean on.
I must carry on with my life. No matter what.
A quick search on google about current available NGO jobs in Vietnam left me rather pessimistic. One point, if Im unhappy here, nobody knows (and of course that’s better). If Im unhappy there, everyone knows, including those who expect that after gaining a degree from an oversea country, one must succeed and proceed smoothly forever after.
Wendy probably sensed that I had been struggling with making decision. In an effort to make me feel better, she told me “none of the decision you make now will have great impact over the next 10 years, anyway”. I will change my mind again and again, that I know for sure.
It is so unfair that VEF, the fellowship granted to science students doesn’t require any work experience and provide funding for both Master and PhD program, while Fulbright, the equivalence which supports humanity folks not only asks for at least 1 year experience, but also limits their funding to a 2 year program Master degree. I won’t be able to start any sooner than 2013, which makes me 25 when I finish a Master thesis.
Doesn’t sound very promising to me!
Today, first time I attended an anthropology class. Somehow it sounded kind of shallow. But I thought it was me who has transformed a little. I believed I had been raised to another level in doing mental inquiries, thanks to Pradeep.
Should go back to my reading, or maybe bed is a better choice for now ^^