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Thứ Năm, 12 tháng 8, 2010

I always find it amusing to watch people falling in love.
Affection is like perfume. People can’t wear perfume without changing the air around them into fragrance. Love is not to hide. It should not be hidden, either, because its power is enough to make even those unloved happy.
I had to try so hard to keep myself from bursting out laughing when I overheard a sentence in the middle of my day-dreaming: “Let me take you far away, will you?” Not only did it sound out of context, but it was also so sincere, and strong. I am always moved by passionate people. Ladies and gentlemen, the statement wasn’t directed to me, of course, but how interesting it was to hear it all out of sudden, came right from the bottom of someone’s heart, being shouted out loud and yet, I remained distance from the content of it. So there I was, admired the warmth of some intense feelings and tasted the mixed emotions going underneath, confusion, despair, hope, disappointment, determination. When people are in love, they can’t hide anything, just look into their eyes and you will be able to read their face like a clearly-written white page with big, black letters on it. I was so amused that I kind of wanted to laugh out loud sometimes. I guess after books, human emotions are the second on my favourite list. I haven’t improved much on reading faces since I know too little to decode people’s faces; besides, I try to live in a simple way myself. Many times I wonder what people see when they look into my face. I rarely spend effort to hide my thoughts and feelings, unless I lie, but I never lie when I can help it. But I enjoy watching emotions so much, especially when it comes to love, it is simply amusing. How can people change so much when they are in love? Time after time, I am still surprised. Love is a magic, since you see, it can spread its power to those unrelated, such as myself ^o^
It’s great to be with those who love me, but it is also fantastic to be around those who are in love with each other.
A friend of mine asked me if I envied. Certainly not. Maybe it sounds strange because I am supposed to feel envious taking my situation into account. But well, I guess I only envy when I don’t have what others do. Love, I always have more than enough. I was born with love, raised up in such a secure environment and blessed to have a few big loves in my life.
You, every time you say you love me, I feel it. I thought about that one day and I was amazed. It isn’t very normal, is it? When people are in love with each other for a few years, they express love out of habit. However, I do feel I am loved when you say so. Do you think it is because I love you so much, too; or because you are just a very good at expressing your feelings?
You, up to now, I still haven’t found the sense of belonging I always have when I am with you. Feel like home, feel like I am truly yours and you are really mine. So comfortable, so peaceful, so safe. When we are close, I was brought back to the most beautiful tome of my carefree, innocent teenage. Though we don’t see each other much often, but you are like fuel that keeps me moving forward. You are irreplaceable and I will always love you the same. I trust you will, too.
You, why do I so dread to disappoint you? While I struggle with my possessive nature and my effort to not placing you higher than you should be, somehow I still grant you too much. Regarding my constant need to confirm my significant others’ feelings towards me, it is rather unusual that I let you be what you are without knowing for sure what I am to you. I guess you will never understand my effort to overcome myself, to let you embarrass me from times to times without turning my back and walking away, like I should have. But it’s fine, you are and will be my big inspiration, until the day something bad enough happens to destroy your glowing image in my mind. I expect that, and I hope we will survive.
You, another hopeless dream of mine. I have tried, for sure. Once I give up, I will let it go. I will never regret after I make up my mind to walk away from someone. I must say that I am extremely disappointed with your choice, you deserve more than that, or put it into less harsh words, you should find a better match. Anyway, I don’t know enough to judge, but between us two, I have been disappointed, too. I won’t look for someone to fulfill my dream again. I guess I ask for much more than you can give, too much. I won’t blame you, dear. Go on with your life and you will encounter someone who is less demanding.
And You, I don’t think I can never be able to appreciate everything you have done and will do for me. I just wish I could be as good as good, as strong and forgiving, as sincere and loving. I don’t think I can never understand how much I love you either. That is something beyond comprehension. Words fails.
Thank you all for loving me. And thank you for loving each other.

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