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Thứ Năm, 12 tháng 8, 2010

1.The phone rang and no number displayed on the screen, instead there was “Restricted”. My heart skipped a beat and started racing. “Hello?” – “Oh, sorry, I have the wrong number.” It wasn’t you.
I sat there, listening to the rain falling outside my blurry window and to the unstable rhythm of my heart. I was afraid. I started at a very loud thunder. No, it wasn’t scary. Everything belongs to the rain is beautiful. I wished it would rain all day long, all week long. I’d feel abandoned if it won’t rain in the month of my birth. The sky would be that milky grey. The quiet whisper of the rain would lull me to sleep. I would be a baby again.
I was afraid for my feeling. I told myself again and again that I would be alright. It should be the consequence of my lack of social interaction, nothing more nothing less. I was safe here under a roof in a summer rain, but the shield I built to protect me against you was trembling.
I know I am strong enough for this and I’d be alright in the end.
2. You’ve changed so much. I read your conversation with friends, those I don’t know, of course. I can barely reconcile you in present with the image I keep in my mind. Now and then, I even start wondering if I ever really know you. You in the screen in front of me, with your name attached to several lines of comment under a picture, or you as I remember a few years ago? I am afraid to face you. Do you know that when people far apart, they grow into something very different from what the others may know, so that when they meet again, they can’t be accepted by those others? Sometimes Im not sure if I still want you, or put it the right way, want your new self. Seem like I don’t.
But today, when once again I was reminded that you’ve changed so much from the friend I used to know, I content to know just that part. Every person consists of various aspects, I’ll be happy just to be a small corner of your life. That makes it easier, doesn’t it?
I know I am strong enough for this and I’d be alright in the end.
3. I came across some pictures of you your friends posted on the internet. There you are, young and innocent. For a first few minutes, you seemed like a stranger. I couldn’t remember loving you. But then, the part of my heart that was buried deep down surfaced. I sat still, looking at a piece of hair behind your right ear that always curved. I used to play with it when I sat behind you on your scooter. Then I listened to “Buc thu tinh thu hai”, a song you taught me, line by line, on a scooter. You told me my voice was too flat and weak for that song. “If time had turned back, I would have walked to that direction anyway, where you sat next to a loosen- curtain window full of sunlight”. I can say that now. If I could do everything again, I know I would still smile at you when you asked to sit beside me.
I know I am strong enough for this and I’d be alright in the end.
4. As long as it rains.

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