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Thứ Năm, 12 tháng 8, 2010

Only after coming back home did I realize that I don't have many friends here and now, actually I have no friends apart from those in grade 9 (not a very big group) and two from high school that I still keep in touch with. I don't have many friends here, I don't have many friends there, so Im in the middle of nothing. In Canada, a number of precious friends I managed to make, some of them left after an exchange year or an ESL course and others will live off-campus next year, which means I missed my chance to make close friends in the first year. I will have to start all over again, when I'll be back in September. If I work in Vietnam after graduating, I will have to start from zero too, as when I listened to my friends' gossips about their universities friends, I notice a blank in my list. No friends to call, no friends to hang out with, everyone is busy with his/her own schedule, exams and friends. I don't know how other abroad-studying students overcome this problem, but it is interesting to admit that somehow in some point of life, I would be in the middle of Nothing.
But I don't regret that I did come back. In fact I am now afraid of leaving for Canada. Everytime I think about it, I tremble and have to force myself not to push my imagination too far. It is great to chatwith my parents and my brother after watching a film together. We lie down in the bedroom and my dad would tell us his well-known story that I can make a right comment without listening carefully. The kind of story that he enjoys telling so much, such as he climbed up on a tree to steal fruits when he was small or an airplane crushed his leg. Or the wonderful moment when my little brother rides the bike with me sitting at the back. He now has grown up high and strong enough to carry me around. Or the relaxing feeling when my pregnant but still childish sister giggles and shares with me her admirable knowledge of good food-shops. I love those feelings so much. When I stay silent beside my friend and she talks continuously about her puppy-love, it is a peaceful silence. Unlike the embarrasing silence when I am with lots of people in Canada. It is the kind of silence between good friends, that I don't need to talk to show that Im listening or try to think of a suitable topic to help the conversation last. It is so wonderful to sit among them again, all my beloved brothers, they don't seem any different. they are still kids who can make me laugh harder than ever with such a stupid simple comment about a passing girl.
I love all those violet, red and white flowers pouring on streets. I love the tropical rain which takes time to start like a pregant women takes time to give birth to her baby. I love the smell of fresh-cutting grass. And it is such an undescribable happiness to look at my friend's face, when he closed his eyes loosely and told me "I want to keep this feeling, when I have you beside me saying whatever appears in your mind". He is so so tender and lovable and I can't thank him enough to be my friend. To be the guy who have dinner with my family, who can stay with me in one room talking in darkness, who may knock on my door in a boring afternoon and make it beautiful. I was told off by my grandpa when I took my brother cycling for more than one hour but it was sweet to have someone worried about me. It was even sweeter when I saw my grandma crying for me coming home late.
I love it when I don't have to be mature. I absolutely love it when someone else takes care of me and does things for me. I can be a baby again and let my boyfriend carry my bag, and it is much lighter than those I used to carry by myself in Canada. I have him picked me up again, going around, everywhere I want and almost everytime I like. I was so happy that I stared at him speechlessly for several moments when I knew his signature in his university forum and my picture on his avatar. I blushed, literrally, when his friends told me how well they knew about me thanks to his proud detailed description. We hold hands whenever possible, even at the gas station (which caused some irritating glances from nearby adults) and laugh for no reason at all. Nothing is perfect and my love is a good one.
Sometimes I envy with people. Sometimes I think life is dull. Sometimes my day is boring and I am depressed. Sometimes I just want to fight. But now I feel great. Everything I have now costs my parents quite a lot of money (for air ticket) but I think it is invaluable. I won't have food, air, friends, boyfriend and family for at least the next two years thus I have to use every moment to store them so that I can live on those memories till the day Im done.

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