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Thứ Năm, 12 tháng 8, 2010

Canada is empty.
Streets are empty.
The air is empty.
The sky is empty.
Faces are empty
The house is empty.
The night is empty.
My mind is empty
My heart is empty

My first thought of Canada ever was that it is lifeless. There is no smell in the air, except for perfume and fast food. There is no one on streets. People are all inside their houses or their cars. The sky is either high and so clear or low and so dark. There is nothing in between.
Today I decided that instead of taking the bus, I would walk home. It took me one hour to get home from school. On the whole way, I didn't hear any single sound beside the fuzzy noise of car engine. Surprisingly, I walked alongside the river, and I couldn't hear waves tapping the bank. I didn't know what to expect, but somehow, one hour with noise from car engine is terrible. Is it true that people desperately depend on Ipod so that they can run away from the soundlessness surrounding them?
And the sun was irritating. I remember how the idea of a bright sun without warmth used to amaze me for a long time. I miss different colours of sunlight. There was no warmth, no sound, no smell, no human face on the whole way home. I kept walking. It was like I was floating in an empty zone. I tried to reach out but there was nothing to be touched
Here I am, missing something I can't even name.
Time is both enemy and helper of homesickness. Through time, homesickness blurs in images and strengthens in emotion.
Now I miss the feeling of missing something. I am ashamed that I have to rely on some all-too-common images to define my thoughts. Is it possible to miss something without knowing what you are missing?
Just hollowness. An absolute hollowness

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